getting hard

it's already end of august... well, it means that 8 months has been passed by. too many unpredictable and amazing things happen during this period. i am thinking as for now, what i have done, is it following my own plan?

currently, too many things coming out and also i am not be able to entertain those things that pushing me into the deepest level. me is who i am, i am not the other person. hey, someone out there.. i have been choosing to further my study as your wish, do i need to reach the peak?

those kind of things are really disturbing my mind lately. much of my energy are lost due to this circumstances. being a Phd student is not my dream, my only one dream is to have happy life with my own family. i don't need tenure; i need warmness.

i hope you will understand someday and please don't use your ego to keep pushing me.