everything has a reason

dear May...why you are so pathetic? ahh...the beginning of this month is so hectic with many things happen. tired, yes i am. sad, hemm...i can say it also. dunno what should i do. i am not strong enough to face it. my body become weaker and weaker. i easily got diseases from others, instead of my body protection usually so so strong. why this thing happen? T.T

yesterday i think it was the top of my patience. internship.. this word always flying in my head. where i should do it? where will i stay? what final project should i do? is my supervisor can help me during my internship time? and what will i do after all these things finish? grrrrrrrrrr...... UNEMPLOYED

God, i know You always have many reasons and You always know that i can handle all the problem that You gave to me. someone said to me "everything has a reason". 

tears isn't the best solution. but i will do it every time i can;t express my feeling to others. sitting and crying, i feel better if something happening. and i won't forget my drugs; ice cream or milk coffee. i won't suicide. i won't run away. jz give me an ice cream or a cup of coffee, i will forget the problem for a while and feel better. ya ya ya.... i still like a kids, whenever a kid cry when someone give her an ice cream, she will stop crying. dats me. 

many people look up me as a strong girl, but actually it isn't i'm too weak. i need someone shoulder and hand to make me stand. i think almost all my boy friends think that "nyomie always can do everything by herself". i can feel it. however, nobody knows that sometimes i need them. 

i am not a "manja" girl. who will care too much to me? not anyone, so dats why i need to wake up and do it as best as i can. even my parents didn't do it. i am become so independent since i was a kid. i never allow anyone to send me to school when i was kindergarten. i said to my parents "i can go by myself, it's so near to our home and i can walk". well, i duno what makes me like that. 

so, anyone who read this, pliz change your mind about me. i am not strong as you think and i also need your shoulder but i am an independent person.